Making a Wish

It had been raining island-wide these couple of weeks.

I was travelling along ECP yesterday afternoon and saw a rainbow jutting out of the overcast sky. It was still drizzling.

I seldom look up the sky.....anyway, its always there!!

But when I was overseas, in UK, in US, I had a habit of looking up the sky. Probably because the weather is less predictable and more varied than Singapore's weather, especially during seasons change. At night, the stars twinkle brighter. Or probably because I simply missed home....

Back to my ECP ride. I look at the rainbow. It brought me back to Scotland. It was Easter and my classmates and I had planned for a Scotland drive up over the holidays. I remembered the poor old school days, we rented 2 Nissan March, 8 guys, 2 girls, 10 backpacks....all squeezed into that 2 little Nissan March.

I can't remember where exactly I was but along the mountainous Scottish rides where we practically see no end to the roads, we saw a rainbow. The weather was pretty much the same as while I was on ECP, wet, overcast and a little chilly.

One of classmate was lamenting that if you make a wish when one goes under the rainbow, the wish will come true. Well.....we weren't 3 year olds but twenty-somethings undergrads!!! Who would believe that!!! Anyway, rainbow is just merely a spectrum of light!!



But I.......secretly made a wish
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....I wished for a 1st class Honours.
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.....And it came true!!!

Then while on ECP, I wanted to make a wish too. I realised it is not so straight forward anymore!! I wanted to make wishes!!!!! Several things came into my mind. I wanted a strike Toto. I wanted to have a baby.....blah blah blah.....Then I decided on one......to be healthy. By then, the rainbow was not in sight anymore!!!!

Big Sigh!!!!...........The older you grow, the more aimless you are of what you want.

What do you want in life?

Closure

Its been more than 2 weeks....

As much I need to close this chapter, I find it hard.

There is no photo to remember.
There is no columbarium to rest in eternity.
There is no identity to hold on to.
There, .......is no name.

You will always be in my heart.
You will always be my eldest child.

R.I.P.

my baby

Reads

As the word spreads, more friends, colleagues and family members got news of my pregnancy.

My in-laws are just so excited, from my mother-in-law, to sisters-in-law to my 3 little nieces and nephew. My 4 year old nephew even gave me his favourite numeric booklet saying "Jiu Mu, this book is for your baby."

My mother-in-law will fuss over food. She makes sure my meals are "not cooling", adding dashes of "heatiness" here and there.

My eldest sis-in-law will be concerned about my morning sickness, offering my preserved plums, aromatherapy.

My 2nd sis-in-law is the most classic, having 3 kids and taking care of them by herself. She packed all her maternity clothes, provided a list of baby "equipments" she can pass down. Basically, she had everything from baby cot to playpen, to car seats. This really saves us a lot of money!! But also kills the enjoyment in getting the nursery ready.

Then, I also choose a stack of books from my 2nd SIL, basically on Parenting. I only took a couple on pregnancy. Pregnancy is only 9 months. Parenting is probably a lifetime. My thought is "As long as I treat myself well, be happy, eat healthy, beware of the complications, the rest lies with the doctor. There's nothing much I can do either. The doctor will take good care of me and the baby!!"

Parenting is a whole different story. It is more liquid. No fix and fast rules, depending on the baby. And how the baby is going to grow up depends largely on the parents and their parenting skills. Look at the books!!

I have just finished "Jools Oliver - The diary of an honest mum". If anyone doesn't know her, you must have known her husband..........Jamie Oliver AKA The Naked Chef!! This book offers some factual, real life experiences from conceiving all the way to parenting and of course.....recipes for the kids!! How can they leave without sumptuous and healthy food tips!!

After reading the book, I was so excited that I am secretly hoping to care for my baby full time. Well.....just a thought!! Frankly, I don't know whether to work full time, part time or just stay at home. Don't want to jump into any decision that I'm not ready yet.

Anyway, back to books. I find that it is such a tedious job for my "Ang" to read up every step of my pregnancy. Those books can be real thick!! So, there is this book that is designed like a Table Calender. Every page is 1 week and it describes the baby's development, the size, what has formed, what the mother is going through, etc. It summarises everything in 1 page and when the next week comes, just flip it over and it will tell us what happen the next week. I thought this was perfect for my "Ang". So, I place it on the dining table. And before I knew it, I realised that my "Ang" had flipped the calender himself!!

Very GOOD!!!



Anyway.....I'm so overdosed with pregnancy books now that .....I'm re-reading Sun Tzu Art of War!!

This Time

Left work early yesterday to visit my mother, since its Deepavali today.

My mother was looking out the window, as if she is in deep thoughts. Even when I called out to her, she didn't turn her head.

What was she thinking?

Moments later, she saw me.

She started making some sounds. She frowned. She moaned. She breathed heavily before a deliberate effort to swallow her saliva. She stared at me.

Somehow, her stare is telling something. She is in pain. She is suffering. She is sad.

"What is she trying to tell me?"

"What's on her mind?"

"Is she asking me to let her die?"

With all these questions and with her stare, she makes my heart heavy, she makes my heart sink. Probably its my preggie hormones working, my eyes started to well up, my tears started to flow.....uncontrollably.

Usually I managed to hold back any emotions in front of my mother. To let her know that I'm living well, that she needn't be worried for me, that she should continue to live well too. Everytime, I leave my mother's place having to wrap up my emotions, pick up the heavy heart and then move on, secretly telling myself "I'm prepared for the worse."

This time, probably its her condition worsening, probably its my hornones haywired.....I just wept uncontrollably - in front of her.

This time, probably I shocked my mother too. She stopped her moaning, her frowning .....she continued staring at me. And a while later, she turned away, looking out the window again.

This time, its just different.

Mission Accomplished

Where shall I start????



Eversince my wedding in the beginning of the year, I was frequently asked the question of "When is the baby coming?"



My replies started with "Hopefully Soon" to "Still Trying" to "Don't know".....I practically gave up. Every month was filled with the dread of seeing Red, and has to face the truth to walk up to the gynae and open up my legs, the touch of cold metal while he examines if anything was wrong.



I practically gave up. I took up a full time job. I planned for a Macau trip next year with my in-laws.



All these while.....making love became a Misson, rather than Passion.



It was all wrong.



I can plan what to do over the weekend, wash the toilets, fill up my mum's prescription, prepare my 'Ang' favourite dish, transfer funds to another bank or even plan for a holiday.....you just cannot plan for a baby. It just doesn't pop!!!



Up until 2 weeks ago.....my mission was accomplished, only after I have set the mission way at the back of my mind.



I tested positive. To make sure, I bought another test kit in another brand (just to be sure!!) and ...tested positive...... again!!!



I was shocked. The least I've expected, it came. I could not believe it and had to make a trtp to the gynae's office, this time, armed with my 'Ang'......the next thing I heard the gynae said to me was

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CONGRATULATIONS!!!






There he/she is. Everything's so surreal!!



The first person I told was my mother.....there was no reaction from her. She was in her bad days, she was feeling really bad due to the lung infection.



Next was my granny......her reply was classic...... really amazes me........

"Gao2 Lah".......... while tapping my head.

"Gao" in Hokkien literally means clever in English. Regardless that I'm a 1st class honour student or my achievements at work, to her, I'm only clever when my eggs are hatched!! She is so proud of me for that!! Then she starts her list of Dos and Don'ts. While listening to her, I realised there were clouds in my eyes. I have never see my granny so happy for a long time. Her happiness did not come with laughter. She silently kneeled down in front of her altar, placed her palms together and did a silent prayer. She must have did that a lot for me......



Few days ago, she called me on my mobile. I was quite shocked to see her number on my phone ID and thought something serious must have happened for her to call me. I quickly picked up ......all she said was

"I forget to tell you that you cannot drink Ching Chow too".

This is my Granny.

As for my 'Ang'.......he didn't show much of an excitement though, as he always is. His choice of adjectives has been revolving between "OK" and "Not Bad" ever since I knew him. To grade his subordinates an "A" for their annual performance review is almost alien. He is the typical organised, principled disciplinarian. What he did to me was very "disciplinarian"...

"cannot eat this"
"enough, no more coffee"
"cheese can eat meh"

He even drew up an Excel sheet listing the hand-me-downs from his sister and what needs to be bought. He stocked up the kitchen with milk, biscuits and fruits.

One day, he came home......buying me this.....knowing I would definitely be happy seeing it.....

I am glad that people around me are so happy for us. I am glad that I can bring happiness to the people around me with just a tiny 2-4mm growth inside me.

Happiness is all around. Love is all around. Thank you.

O2

It was my mother's bi-monthly doctor appointment.

The doctor came to the house with her 2 big bags and nurses along. The usual check up. The usual medication top up. The usual chit chat.

This time. The check up prolonged. The medications increased. The chit chat prolonged.

I was told to be prepared. One of my mother's lung has nearly collapsed, taking in less than 70% of oxygen. Her muscles and flesh had hardened. No wonder she has been yawning a lot lately.

We had to lower her milk and water intake just to minimise the risks of water backflowing from her stomach to her lungs. One of the lungs had a slight infection which gave her a mild fever. She had to take antibiotics now.

Mother has almost reached the 5-year mark. Datas revealed that once the 5-year mark is crossed, the patient could probably lived another 3 years before the 8-year mark. Once the 8-year mark is crossed, the patient should be able to hold it through.

The way to go.....I think an Oxygen Concentrator is needed......

Smiles and Worries

These few days, I find myself smiling to myself at times.

But in other times, I start to worry.......my nightmare starts.

When it comes to my body, I'm not a confident person.

Want Son?

Had been working so hard.....and no contributions to this blog. Well, didn't really want to talk about work here.....

Brought my mum over to my place to stay for a few nights. I really liked it when she is around, I popped into her room whenever I come home, talked to her, complained to her about my work, asked her if she is feeling OK ...... all these in a one-way conversation......she can't talk. But I like to engage her in my life. I would sit on her bed looking at her while she tries hard to open her eyes but closes for a few minutes and reopens a few minutes later. I lie down beside her inthat small super single bed.

But she gets fidgety a few days later..... She gave me black face.....like she wants to go home.

After 4 days 3 nights, I sent her home on a Sunday. I reached my brother's home AKA my mother's home and realised I didn't bring the house key. Called my brother to check if he's home and guess what my brother said on the phone....

"MOTHER NOT AT HOME MEH??? MAID LEH???"

"WTF?? Wah Lau??!!! 4 days 3 nights already..... and you don't know mum is not at home?? I SMS-ed you that I'll bring mum over my place!!!"

At this point..... I don't know whether to laugh or to cry. The house very big meh?

I know I know, my brother VERY busy!!

Wonder if he will know if my mum pass away at home.....Hmmmm....

Want son lah.....this is what a son will do to you!!!!

Reunion

Heard that one of my ex-colleagues is leaving the company. Took this chance to meet up with the rest of the gang.

All of us had since left the company, except for one.

We saw one of them got married and gave birth to a daughter, now almost a year old.

We saw one of them went through her fiance's cancer treatment and recovery

We saw one of them went through her child's schooling years.

They saw me fell in love and got hitched.

We met at Liquid Kitchen in Upper Thomson. Had a few rounds of drinks before all turned up......including all our spouses.........

A big family.

Suay Or What?

The lift I took got stalled.It was just 30 seconds since I've stepped out of my house. And best, no network in the lift. When I emerge, I was onthe thirteenth floor. And the lift next to it shows "Under Maintenance".

For the longest time I remembered taking a bus, I took one today and the bus broke down at the second bus-stop where I boarded. Got so "zhun" or not? I have to wait for the next bus which by then, is utterly crowded with 2 loads of passengers.

Am I suay or what?

MIA

Its been almost a month since I've last posted. It makes me wonder what have I been doing since.....??? Let me think......

I went for a short trip to Langkawi, which makes my granny so worried that she called me to make sure I was not affected by the earthquake.

I bought about 10 boxes of mooncake as gifts.

I had replaced my Palm Treo to Nokia E61i, now that I want to find out what I've been doing in the past month, my Calender in my new phone doesn't show, which makes recalling tough.

I had made a "Ultraman-face" agar agar for my nephew's birthday bash.

I followed up on my gynae's appointment to find out that my eggs are doing well.

In restrospect, I actually did nothing huh??!! Then why am I getting more tired, returning home later, sleeping lesser?

One thing for sure, I'm now writing from my new office while waiting for the next candidate to turn up for the interview.

Probably that's why.....

Overload

Had a lot to download this week.

First I received a 'gift'. Well, I don't know whether I should call it a gift per se, but I like to see it that way. It took me by surprise. It was sealed in a company envelope, I thought it was work related. When I opened it ..................

WTF? What's this?


It's actually a write up, in a form of a thesis, but written in a way that is addressed to me i.e. referring to "you" and "me" in a dialogue sense, in a way when I read it, I actually thought he is just sitting beside me talking to me!!

For once, I felt honoured that someone had written an article like that, just for me!! I would say its a good read. Luckily for the writer, we are not working in US, or else there is definitely cause for sexual harrassment charges for the analogies he's written. Need I say more? Whatever it is, I thank him for sharing his ideas with me.

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I had been accompanying my "Ang" whenever he gets his haircut. Not that I'm interested in how his haircut will turn out (anyway he has been having that crew cut eversince I don't know when), just that the place is full of nostalgia.

My 'Ang' has been going to the same barber for .......let me see.....probably........16 years!!!????

See...... can feel the nostalgia liao?

Oh....don't see them small small barber shop, occupying only half of a shop space. They are big timers there OK? They got regulars like my 'Ang' who grew up in Farrer Court, they got the regular Ah Peks who lives around the vicinty, they got the regular big 'tao kay' who come in their big car, they got the family man who come with their offspring in tow, at the same time have their haricut - Father & Son, they even got Ang Moh!!! And everytime the bell rings when the door swings, they would definitely know who they are and acknowledge them, its like their friend.

I had only been visiting them for about 2 years. Everytime I sit on that upholstered bench waiting for my 'Ang', I listened to their conversation with their regulars. They talked about their parents, their children, where have they moved to, how much they paid for that condo, which vacation they took, what they worked as.......so much so that there was once that my 'Ang' has to respond to an emergency call and that the haircut was half done, the barber knew he had to quicken his snips. He even told my 'Ang' to come back and get the hair properly done after his emergency call. This was how well they know their customers.

They had seen my 'Ang' go to school, went to Army, graduate from NUS, found a job, got a girlfriend, then a wife.......They have increased their price from $5 to $9........but their service remains the same, their shopfront remains the same......see the row of posters pasted on the wall? I bet they must be there at least a decade or two.

It's difficult to find places like these now. With en bloc development, town redevelopment, a lot has bite the dust. Even their nearest neighbour, Farrer Court, couldn't resist the billion dollar deal swinging in front of them.

I hope to bring my offspring there one day........

Family Day

My S-I-L planned for a picnic yesterday at East Coast. The kids were all excited but we were met with all obstacles!! We is 'Sway'.

First, there was this Trialthalon going on in the morning and part of the service roads were closed. It re-opened at 2pm. So, we planned to reach there at 2pm.

Then, came the pouring and the thunder. Were all stucked at home until everyone was getting lethargic. So, decided to go ahead, thinking probably the eastern part of Singapore is dry.

Reached East Coast. Still raining. Tummies were rumbling and we couldn't tahan anymore. What to do? Eat in the car lor. So, in Carpark C2, 3 cars were parked alongside and munching away the food prepared.

Then I is 'hand like leg, leg like hand', my food ended up like that!!

By the time I cleared up, the rain stopped so the kids were happily looking forward to their cycling!! Frankly, I came for the picnic and thought I would just lie around the beach and relax. But the ground were so wet, even with the ground sheet, its still soaked. So, the picnic became a cycling trip. All of us, including my parents-in-law, 2 SIL, 2 BIL, 3 kids and my 'Ang' went cycling. 11 bicycles altogether.

Wah Roaz.... I can't even recall when was the last time I cycled. I didn't even planned to sweat that day!! Turn out that our family entourage became the road bully at East Coast.

By the time we rested, my backside is already numb!!


3 generations, an outing, laughter......and aches for me.

Values

Had a few episodes of dealing with the youngsters recently. Somehow, I'm amazed at how they see the value of money nowadays.

I had to work hard at earning my own keeps. No matter how much or little I make, it comes with my own 'sweat and blood!'

I was approached to be an investor for a venture. After listening to this young chap selling his 'idea', I had a few questions for him. Of course I have to, right? To understand in depth his business concept and the probable returns. And for what he said, killed the whole discussion apart.

"This amount is nothing to you what. You earn so much. Can't you just help me out here?"

This completely blew the deal off. Whether I'm rich or not is not the onus in deciding whether I should invest. Yes, it does determine my ability to invest. But he needs to justify business sense to me! What he is telling me is that I can afford to lose this amount of money and I should help him for the sake of ……? …….helping him!!!??? What ludicrous thought!! He simply sees my money as easy money!! Where are his values?

I can continue to grumble as much as I can….. and look at this beautiful world…..

PS: I'm not rich as the young chap thought to be.

Junkie

I have been noticing a trend with my 'Ang'. Come every Sunday night, he will ask me this:

"So where will you be reporting work tomorrow?"

Frankly, I need to refer to my Palm to find out. I carry 4 portfolios.

Luckily my term with the hospital is ending this month.

My family business had jumpstarted another outlet, kind of stablized after 2 weeks of operation. Well, that's before the next wave of problem comes.

My freelance construction job will be running tight schedules with the upcoming tender calling, tender evaluation, tender interview, tender negotiation, etc....

And my newest kid on the block requires most efforts. Understanding their operations, drawing up website and marketing plan, finding growth and expanding coverage.

I is a junkie.

A Sign

Recently, I met up with a friend who now resides in Shanghai. We put in deliberate efforts to keep in touch. Her years in Beijing and Shanghai. My years in UK and US. We always return to Singapore whenever our term ends.

Now that her kids are in their schooling years, she puts them in an international school in Shanghai and whenever she comes back to Singapore for a few months, her kids follow her and she chucks them into their primary schools in Singapore for a few months. I would say this is a unusual way of a typical parent who shuffles their kids routine life.

I completely agree with my friend's unsual way of bringing her kids up, given her cirsumstance. Her kids will be exposed to a broad education systems, having international exposures, classmates from different nationalities, yet at the same time, attend a Singapore local school, studying in the academic driven education system, spending time with grandparents....my list can go on..... The impetus is....can the kid cope?

My bet is YES. We, adults, typically undermines the ability of kids' adaptability. Adults naturally determines what is best for their kids before even allowing them to try it.

Take this for example (I saw this on a MRT train). A mother and child (I called her Child Z) boards the train. The mother inevitably looks for seats as most adults have the pre-programmed mindset of getting a seat on the train is something theu should do. When a seat becomes available, the mother would give the seat to the child Z so that the child remains in a 'protected' and 'stable' confines and that....its 'GOOD'.

However, within that same MRT, is another child (I call her Child P) who is irritating other commuters by not sitting, trying to balance in that moving cabin, playing with the poles and trying to catch the hanging bars by jumping.

Child Z looks at Child P in awe. Child Z would probably enjoy standing but was told to sit. She would probably want to try to balance in that moving cabin but was told to sit. All these due to Mother's preconcept that it is for her own good. But deep inside, she is in envy, in awe of Child P.

So, what's so wrong with standing? Fear of kids injuring themselves? Fear of ......? Or a pre programmed notion in the brain that sitting is good? So what if they fall? Fall then!!....and let them understand what is pain lah!!!

I spoke about the above scenario when another of my friend told me of her plan to migrate to Australia. She said it is a better place for her kids to grow up, more space to run.

"What utter rubbish", I said "What makes you think that its a better place for your kids to grow up? That's what you think it will be!!! Not what it will materially be!!! And possibly not exactly what the kids want!!"

How about the grandparents? Why did we chose our young rather than our parents/ancestors? That the old has lived their lives and waiting for death that there should not be any quality? My list of questions can go on and on......

I have been stirring over these thoughts for some time. And somehow I relate them to my inability to conceive now. Someone up there is showing me something, is telling me something.....

Good Deed, Good Feeling

Happiness comes from helping people. It just makes me feel good.

I had to take a train to Novena today. At 9am, the usual peak hour rush is over and I could easily find a seat, and was seated beside an old auntie, probably of 60 years age. By the time the train got to Sembawang, the seats are full and I stood up to offer to an elderly woman.

Well, this is Good Deed No. 1. I is happy already.

Later, I realized the 60+ year old aunty is kinda lost. She keeps asking the passenger next to her what station is this, where is this train going, etc. She turned around and waved at me and asked me the same questions – in Hokkien.

Aunty: What is the next station?

Beerkaki: Next station is Ang Mo Kio. Where are you going?

Aunty: I want to sit until it ends (literally translated from Hokkien)

Beerkaki: Sit until it ends will bring you to Marina Bay. You wanna go Marina Bay? Bing Hai Wan?

Aunty: I want to sit until it ends.

She repeated this several times until I can no longer help her in anyway. Then, she pulled out a little blue booklet from her bag and pointed the address on the book. I looked at it. Seriously, I don’t know where it is. But I know what place it is.

I asked the Aunty to alight on the next station with me while I call to find out where is the place. The operator directed to alight at either Woodlands or Yishun, then take a feeder bus. The aunty says she will take a taxi from the MRT station, so Yishun will be nearer.

Apparently, we have passed Yishun and now need to cross the platform to take it the opposite direction. I keep telling her she must alight at Yishun but she kinda don’t know, or even heard of Yishun. So, I brought her to the opposite platform, seek help from a lady who is going that direction and instructed her to tell the aunty when it reached Yishun. Before I left, she keep telling me Thank You, numerous times.

Well. This is the end of my Good Deed No. 2

I had been thinking, while in the train on my way to my destination which I’m going to be utterly late, I should be the one to say THANK YOU to the aunty. For giving me a chance to help her, for making me feel good, for making me happy.

AUNTY, YOU MAKE MY DAY. THANK YOU!!

I continued to think and start to emphathise the aunty. She is helpless and quite poor (cos' I asked her to take a taxi from Ang Mo Kio and she was afraid the taxi fare will be too expensive), but for the love she has, she was determined to make the trip. She was holding a plastic bag, within it a small packet of beehoon (I guess) and a pair of wooden chopsticks.

I hoped she found her way to Khalsa Crescent Prison.

Hungry Ghost, Human Ghost

I don't think no one will ever miss it cos' its everywhere. The burning of incense, candles and incense paper. The smell of incense.... gives me peace and makes me smile!!

Today, its the 1st first day of the hungry ghost festival. And........?

I MET A GHOST TODAY!!!!

This ghost is female. Quite pretty. But has a foul mouth. She interchanges herself from ghost to devil (What's the difference? I don't know). Sometimes, camoflauge herself in an angel suit. But once she opens her mouth, bats flew out from it.

This ghost is a human ghost. We see them everyday. We meet them everyday. We talk to them everyday. We probably work in the same office.

I was interrupted by this human ghost today. Though I must say I was quite disrupted by it, I listened to her blabber, listened to her nonsense. But I saw her insecurities, her inadequacies.

That brought me to Blinkymummy's, or should I say 'Good Fren' observation - "these people blame others because other people bring contrast to these people's inadequacies. They see what they are not born with, what they have not worked for."

In fact, I pity these human ghost. They lived their lives based on other people's lives. The way they talk are based on who these people are, what these people have. The way they behave are based on how rich or poor these people are. They laughed when the rich laughed. And they will always be stucked in this human ghost realm.

Who is scarier? Human Ghost Or Hungry Ghost?

My Housewarming Gifts

My housewarming gifts.....8 months after I shifted into my new abode, it arrived.....from United States Of America!!!!

They were gifts from my three buddies, acquainted back when I was in the States. One of them happened to be my Secondary School mate but only got closed when we were in foreign land. And later today, I'm attending her baby's full month celebration.

My buddies knew that I loved Martha Stewart stuffs. Well, who can resist cheap, durable and well designed stuffs. So, they pooled together a sum of money (in US$ hor) and asked me to check out the Martha Stewart website. E, one of my buddy currently residing in US was the runner - buying, packing, arranging free shipment, coordinating, etc.......... Well, I did more than just Martha Stewart, I also checked out Target lah, Kmart lah, Walmart lah.......And these are what I chose.

Look like Tupperware party right? Only its better.

This is my favourite - Bodum Creamer and Sugar Set.

I also ordered a 3 compartment laundry basket and while my 'Ang' was assembling it, he noticed this.

This laundry basket travelled round the world to get here!! I won't be surprised most of the stuff I've got are Made in China.

Anyway, by the time I opened up everything, I realised something.......

Half the items are for my buddy's baby. Looks like E had a huge shopping spree at Tanger Factory Outlet. And I have to bring them over to the party later......

Thank You, Ladies!!!

Hungry Ghost

My 'Ang' had been pestering me to prepare steamboat for quite sometime. First of all, I don't even have that electric steamboat pot to start with. Was in Isetan to get one, not because we love Isetan. Just happened that I still have $100 voucher from one of my housewarming gift which if I don't spend it still, its going to get expired or get lost somehow.

Household department at Isetan had a facelift!! Modern and bright.

Anyway, on National Day eve, we went supermarketing after work. By the time we got home, set up the steamboat, washed the vegetables, cut the tou hu, etc........its past 8pm.....and I'm a hungry ghost already. The best part is......waiting for that packet chicken stock to boil. I'm really fainting already. To make me feel worse, we caught a variety show in Channel 8 called "Pai Pai Zhan, Cha Cha Kan" (Take a queue and check it out, something like that) hosted by Bryan Wong and the singer turned actor/host/writer. Whatever I see is "Zhi De" lor.

Then out of desperation, I buey tahan already, I took this from the fridge to 'tong' my hunger.

This dinner took at least 2 hours to finish. No rice, no meat, only vegetables, tang hoon, fishballs, mushroom balls, touhu, mushroom, baby corn.....we were sitting on the floor, eating, waiting for the food to cook, watching TV, resting, eating again, talking, waiting again.......This is bliss.

Then Channel 5 was showing "My Big Fat Greek Weddding". I watched this show before and I loved it. This time when I watched it, it suddenly strike me that Singapore should make a show similar to this. 2 different person from backgrounds, faling in love and how both gels into each other's family background. I call this racial harmony. To top it off, make it the Uniquely Singapore way.

New Sheets, Old Friend

Was roaming around Orchard today and remembered Aussino having a Sale. So, with complimentary VIP card from my cousin, I trot down to Paragon and bought sheets with a vengence!! 40% discount!!!! Cotton Sateen is BEST!

Bumped into Pet at Paragon. He is so damn long life!! I just blog about his father's shop - Just Anthony, and now bump into him. Frankly, I can hardly recognise him.....before long, we were recalling our drinking times at One Tree Hill, a once cosy development that succumbed the En Bloc frenzy. Another one bites the dust.

OK, back to Pet. Turned out that he is a super high high flyer property agent now. Of course lah, so many richie rich friends as his potential customers, which owns more than 1 property at anytime. Especially when the property market is booming like gold, diamonds and emeralds!!

New sheets. Old Friend.

Sunday

Finally, I remembered this weekend is a MAAD weekend. So we marched down to the red dot building.

Saw some works in the name of DESIGN!!! My 'Ang' tried hard to understand the arty farty, especially when we saw an item called BIOPOD. Its actually a coffin made out of white plastic that was designed to cater and meet the needs of a disaster i.e. high and fast demand of coffins. I was actually quite surprised that anyone would take coffin as their design motive. But my 'Ang', whose livelihood and career is to save lives and participate in disaster rescue mission, simply laughed "A body bag is good enough."

Then, in the scorching sun, we had this....

PEANUT ICE KACHANG. Famous one, ok? Located at Tanjong Pagar Food Centre. There are lots of good and cheap food but because it is Sunday, most of the stalls were closed. Then, I had a sudden urge of eating "Ke Ai Ji"!!! Drove all the way down to Clementi to get this.

Don't ask me why the knife is there.

New Addition

I have a new addition to my house!!

TA DAA!!!

I know, I know....I is Cheena! Who on earth in my era will buy Pheonies pictures? I love antiques and old oriental furnitures. But they are just always so expensive.

Anyway, I bought this 'Pin Fong' or screen from Just Anthony. My 'Ang' and I had been there several times and I always like their furnitures but they are either too big or too expensive. We have been looking for a console table for my entrance lobby for months but chanced upon this 'Pin Fong'. I actually saw another one in gold with 9 goldfish. And as usual, its too big to fit in my tiny abode. The uncle even suggested dismantling 2 of the 6 panels so to fit in our space. And as usual, my rational 'Ang' who seldom buys on impulse refuse to commit that day. We got home, pulled the measuring tape and decided to hiong the purchase.

The uncle at Just Anthony is very nice, actually this uncle is the boss - Mr Lim. Gave me great discount. Coincidentally, I knew his son, who is one of my beerkaki back in the old days - the UK click.

By the way, here's what the Pin Fong reads:

Two Bad Bricks

It's a depressing day.

But I thought of Ajahn Brahm's book 'Opening the Door to Your Heart' and one of its story.....'Two bad bricks'.

I have met some bad people. But there will always be some good ones around....

The Life Saving Force

While sending my "Ang" to work this morning, saw these 3 fire engines with the beacon lighted up.

Don't they look gorgeous? They still amaze me.

Then my "Ang" told me this display is an everyday event in the morning, they test the fire engines, rhinos, bikes every day.

Do you know that all fire station are open to public on Saturday morning? There is even a guided tour and hands on demonstrations.

Makes me want to pay a visit to one......

Tomorrow

Tomorrow - my last day at my current work place. But I might be returning once a week until the project ends.

Tomorrow - I'm representing my CEO to give a speech to the nurses in celebration of Nurses Day.

Tomorrow - I'm representing my CEO in a farewell party for one of the doctors.

Tomorrow - I promise myself to do laundry and ironing....which has been piling in my spare room.

Tomorrow - is pay day

It will always be a day away.

Live Encounter

Most of us dread walking into a hospital. It had an association with the sick and the dead. Little associate it with recovery as we typically recuperate at home.

I, for now, associate hospital as my new work place. Meeting the sick, the injured, the doctors, the nurses, the pharmacist, the therapist, the radiographer, the radiologist, became a daily affair.

For some work reason, I had to speak to a doctor and went to the A&E department where he was on duty. Somehow, he was attending to a patient with a head injury. I decided to return again but the doctor asked me to stay and have the discussion right there and then!!

It turn out to be a one way discussion as the doctor went on and on .......I, for once, was dumbfounded, staring at him injecting a local anaethesia to the patient's head, seeing the patient shiver controllably, blood flowing out from his head flushing his face, ear and neck, seeing the doctor stitching up the wound......all these while the doctor was talking and having our "discussion". In fact, I wasn't listening to the doctor, I just heard sound, not words. It was my first hand experience at the A&E treatment room - live.

At the end of the day, I was still thinking about it. Then I made a comparison. Just like when we were in a 5 star restaurant, food was great, presentation was perfect, service (most probably) is excellent. But when we cross into the kitchen, we would probably be in third world.

This best described my experience at the A&E treatment room that day.

Another thought came to me. Or is this called professionalism? Just like when a soldier needs to protect his country and disassociate his act as killing, a doctor needs to focus on the treatment and disassociate the pain?

Where's the care and concern? I continue to wonder......

Connection

I had been bad. I hardly had time to visit my mum recently. Only visited her on Saturdays.

She hasn't been able to open her eyes for long, even when we put her in front of the TV watching one of her favourite show - Planet's Funniest Animals. She used to make some chuckle. Now, she hardly watched for 1 min before closing her eyes.

I also realised changes on her fingernails. She has ribbed nails now.

There's one thing I find it amazing, she likes to stare at my 'Ang'. Whenever my 'Ang' greeted her, she stares at him and her eyes follow where my 'Ang' goes. That's when I told my 'Ang': "Better treat her daughter well, or else she will not let you off!!"

I had always felt something missing between my mum and my 'Ang'. Theoritically speaking, my mum never got to know my 'Ang'. She was already sick and lost her speech when I introduced my then boyfriend, AKA my 'Ang', to her. I didn't really get to know if my mum had liked my 'Ang' or not, or if she thought he's a good man or not, or if she agreed to our marriage or not, or if she blessed our union or not. She never really knew her son-in-law.

So does my 'Ang'. He never actually knew my mum. Yet he gave her "Pin Jin" on our wedding, he paid for her caregiver, he carried her up the flight of stairs to her room when me and the caregiver struggled and he visited her every Saturday.

That is the kind of relationship they have, connected by love.

The love of a daughter. The love of a husband.

I am their only connection.

Blank

I have not been blogging a lot.

I've tried logging in to blogger for several times.....trying to write....but my mind is blank. Nothing comes to my mind, except work, work and work.

Even now as I'm trying to write that I'm tired, my mind just couldn't construct the sentence.

Meeting People

Meeting people has been my cup of tea, having been in the Sales & Marketing environment for years.

I met 2 new people at my new job.

One being my subordinate, one being my indirect boss.
One being young, one being old.
One having a list of qualifications in his name card, one having none.
Both being men, both being.......full of themselves!!!

I complained to my 'Ang' about this subordinate. Getting myself agitated, getting myself still thinking about him after work, discussing about how youngsters nowadays doesn't seem to listen and commit to their work.

My 'Ang' listened and replied "You only had one to deal with. I have hundreds. So now you know why I didn't want to talk about work."

Work-Life Balance Lesson No.1: To disengage work when home.

It's Official!

It was a hectic week and my cousin suggested we chill out over dinner and drinks since it was Friday (yesterday). So, all of us gathered at my auntie's place while scratching out heads where to go. I think all of us are so drained that there is hardly any juice left in our brains.

One of my male cousin also popped in, knowing we are all there, with his wife and 4 months old daughter in tow. It was my first time meeting the little 4 month old. I approached the little body and carried her in my arms while her eyes scouted for her mother.

Then, my cousin suddenly chided his baby, saying "This is Toa Yee, call Toa Yee, TOOAA YEEEE....."

In some unknown corners of my brain, some brain juice just woke me up. "What? I'm Toa Yee meh? I thought she's supposed to call me Cheh Cheh or something?"

It's really a wake up call. It's official - I'm an Auntie!!!

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Moments later, my younger brother, 3 years my junior, somehow also popped in. He saw the little girl and brought him smiles on his face. Then, lightning strike twice!! "This is Toa Gu....call toa gu.....TOOAAA GUUuu....."

You can imagine the same stunned face.

Lifeline

I had been swamped again ..... with work...needing me at 3 places at the same time.

And so happened that my mum needed a PEG surgery at the same time. 9 months since the last replacement of the gastronomy tube. Her medicine and milk were fed into her body through this tube. This is her lifeline, in a way.

It was bad of me. I admitted her to the hospital early in the morning while I reported to my new workplace at the hospital. I left her there with the caregiver while I attended meetings and meetings throughout the day, until the surgeon came at 5.30pm. By the time she got discharged, it pass 7pm. I was so drained that I didn't send my mum back, instead I brought her back to my place for the night. Though it wasn't the first time she visited my place, her eyes were wide open, scrolling left to right, up and down. She was at ease after a while and slept through the night without a sound.

In fact, my mum was so comfortable that I realised there were 2 uncomfortable souls in the house - my "Ang" and the caregiver.

My "Ang" had to put on a T-shirt (usually he is semi-naked at home) cos' the caregiver is at around. The caregiver was busily 'hiding' in the kitchen and yard (dunno doing what she was doing but keeping herself occupied). I was so zonked that I fell asleep by 10pm.

I guess my 'Ang' was so uncomfortable with additional people in the house that his usual morning routine became haywired. He even forgot to kiss and hug me goodbye in the morning before he let for work!!!!

Game?

Cyber games have been the hype since Singapore organised the World Cyber Games.

Kids, adults, females have their fair share.

Sometimes I wonder on our lives, operating like a cyber game, or any computer game for that matter. Going through every stage, accomplishing some tasks, gaining some energy/money/weapons along the way, promoted to another stage, accomplishing another set of tasks, gaining more energy/money/weapons. By failing the stage, you get to replay it again, losing some of the money/energy/weapons gained. The only difference, we can restart the whole game from the beginning, but we cannot restart our life again. We can fail in our life and try again, but not restart.

Assuming I'm playing my life as a "game", I should be in the marriage stage. As I lived through married life, kisses will be as reward when the dinner is well done, the love bar decreases when the toilet is not cleaned. A bouquet of flowers when the laundry was well done.

Vice versa for the husbands, no kisses when the sink is still clogged, no hugs when the light bulb is not changed, no sex when there is no income.

Once we've accomplished enough kisses, hugs, love bar and sex, then we can proceed to the next stage - Parent stage.

Of course, we have to set the parameters before we begin.

I wonder if my 'Ang' is game for this. Are you?

Saturday Night

Drove my "Ang" early in the morning to work.
Finally, I got a chance to use the car.
Met my new employer.
Ran some errands.
Visited my mum.
Came home, nua a while
And went to in-laws for the ritual Saturday dinner - alone.

Its a boring Saturday.

And its gonna be a boring Saturday night.
My 'Ang' still at work.
Don't think he will be back until next morning 7 am.

The barbeque pits are full tonight. I can smell the food.
The swimming pool is packed. I can see the ripples.
And I'm home, watching Come On Jin Shun.......alone.

How do you spend your Saturday??

Zzzzzzz.......

After my "Ang" was called up for an emergency yesterday at 9pm, he only managed to come home 10 mins ago.....today at 8pm..... Strictly speaking, for the past 36 hours, he only rested 2 hours.

He is so zonked.

So am I.

Somehow, I keep waking up in the middle of the night to see if he's back. I couldn't sleep soundly.

Now......we got to Koon......Zzzzz

Swamped

My phone had been ringing non-stop today. Apparently I'm wanted everywhere, all of a sudden.

I need to be at home for the Singtel guy to install my Mio.
I was supposed to be in my office, preparing for my tender, scheduled to call next Monday.
I was informed I need to be in a meeting at 4.30pm about a proposal I've written for my family business.
I was informed that my new Employer needs to meet me, urgently.

Siao Liao Lor!! How to split my body? And why all last minute?

By the time I got home, its already past 9pm. I is swamped. But I was surprised by these.......

My "Ang"...........bought these from Far East Flora. No fancy packaging, but just 2 bouquets of flowers at wholesale prices. But I is HAPPY!!

But before I could put them in vases, my "Ang" received a call and had to rush to work. Before he stepped out of the door, he turned to me and said "No need to wait for me, you sleep first".

He must be saving some lives now.

How to make baby like that???

Nature's Remedies

After applying the cream that the doctor prescribed, my face doesn't seem to improve. Worse, oil pimples started to appear!!

So......I decided to take heed my Ah Mah's "prescription".

My "Ang" and I trot down to East Coast yesterday. The weather was great and I jumped into the sea, splashing my face with the sea water, soaking my body for a good 15mins. Then, came ashore tanning for 10 mins before running down the sea again for another 5 mins. Then, tanning again.

I secretly wonder...."How much money do I have to spend again for my whitening products!!"

Back at home, I washed my face again with some kitchen sea salt.

Boiled a pot of green bean soup and took like 3 bowls!

Remembered I had a bottled of XO from one of the hampers I received for Chinese New Year. Dig that out and double boiled it. Dabbed the XO with cotton wool and apply on my face. "Wah lau....very hot lor". Repeated this for like 4 times. Thanks to my "Ang", he was so sweet to apply that hot XO on my face. After he completed, he cheekily said: "If you are stopped by TP, you'll definitely be booked as drink driving, no testing needed! And to prove that you are innocent, just torch your face!!! hahaha....."

This is my "Ang".

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This morning when I woke up......WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH........The rashes subsided.

I is relieved.

Thanks to Nature's Remedies - Sun, Sea and AH MAH!!